This letter is to all the young women out in the world; the baby girls whose life have just begun; the little girls rummaging around their mother’s make-up bag; the adolescent girls in grade school; to my younger self, and hopefully, my future daughter.

My fellow ladies, this letter is to you all.

I never understood the depth of my mother’s love until very recently. I’ve always faulted the blame on her for anything negative that’s ever happened to me. I believed her harsh criticisms and actions were meant to mentally destroy me. I felt completely ruined by these possible fabricated thoughts; how terribly wrong I was.

My mother has always wanted the best for me. We never had much money to our family name, but she always wanted me to have everything. She wanted me to have things that the rich kids had next door, and wanted me to be well versed in all talents. I never acknowledged her efforts, nor was I grateful for her in introducing me to sports like synchronized swimming or tennis lessons. For nearly 20 years of my life, I took my mother for granted. All she ever did was put me first and I feel so ashamed for not grasping her love and passion until now. She’s one year shy from turning 60 and everytime I think of her, I tear up. I love her infinitely so, just as much as my father. But for the sake of this post, I’m going to focus on women. So here’s the letter.

Dear growing and grown ladies,

Listen to your mother. She truly does know what is best for you; she’s been living longer, and despite the difference in generations, life still functions the same even though technology is light years ahead.

You have to value yourself. To realize how much you’re worth to this world, to your parents, to your friends. You have to realize the effect you have on others. You absolutely cannot melt into someone’s embrace just because you know they have a liking toward you. Be strong, wise, and tough to know the difference between infatuation and sincerity (with love).

Many guys will find interest in you, but you have to be smart to know who is worthy of your time. I don’t just mean time in the clock sense, but the time you will spend aching for them, thinking about them, and monetarily spend on them. Most won’t be worth it.

I believe in second chances, but it goes with the saying, “fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, shame on you.” There is no third chance. If it comes down to the third, fourth, and fifth, then you my darling have been played. Trust me, I’ve been there one too many times. Your time is precious and no one can fuck with that. If you care about timeliness, your future partner (and friendships) should too. Don’t let that little character trait fall through the cracks. If a man says they will be somewhere at a certain time, hold them accountable to it. Why settle for a guy who constantly disappoints you? Just because he’s blessed with good looks? For shame!

You are Beloved by many, so do not sell yourself short. No one is fond of self-pity, so perk up babe. There are too many insignificant boys that will make you feel less/treat and mislead you. Be smarter and play them out to be the fools that they are. Have self-respect and demand respect. If they don’t show it, call them out on it. Don’t ignore it, or else they will definitely take advantage of you. Believe me, this has also happened to me more than I would like to admit.

Find someone that’ll make you feel like a natural woman. Someone who doesn’t plant any doubts in your mind or make you feel insecure. Someone who will make you feel confident and that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to them. To meet someone who will feel like they didn’t know how they functioned before meeting you; a guy who can’t believe he’s dated and loved other girls before you.

Be aware of the men who bring out certain sides of you as well. Who brings out the witty side, the humorous trait, maybe the pessimistic attitude? Find the one who you can easily have an intelligent conversation with, but be just as capable to carry out meaningless conversations too.

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To you, lil Abby,

You are brilliant and beautiful. You’ve traveled literally all over the world, and have seen and experienced life that other people your age have not. You have been blessed with an adventurous soul, and have the fluidity of life to grant you the ability to live nomadically. You have an enchanting smile and hair that’s silky smooth.

Take the compliments and say thank you; don’t be bashful for goodness sake.

Cellulite is humanly and if you want six-pack abs, work for it. Don’t dream for a body because you think that’ll make guys become attracted to you; they already are. Work for the body that you want; read for the mind you want to cultivate. Be healthy because of your family history, not because social media wants you to. No one has a say on what you look like, only you do.

Unfortunately, words carry a lot of meaning, but look for the action. If the action doesn’t match up with the words, toss them aside. You are worth too much to be treated any less. Focus on your dream(s) and yourself. At the end of the day and lifetime, it’s yourself that you have to look out for. Trust your gut and stick with it. Be selfish for good reason, and don’t let anyone get in the way of your dreams and success; as action is the step many forget when they wonder what happened to their dream.

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Ladies, you are incredible. Why do we let anyone overpower us? Why do we settle for less? I may be generalizing and I apologize. You ladies are strong, confident, and so beautiful. Let’s learn to continually support and uplift one another, OK? I am desperate for you gals, and it’s not a good look for me.

All my love,

A