Hi, my name is Abbey Abby Chang. How are you today? I am doing fantastically well, thanks. The weather has cleared up and I am currently sitting at a picnic table adjacent to my glorified coffee shop, taking a study break to type up this post. [Why did I include an “e” in my name you may wonder, (or those who do not know me, I do not spell name with an e), aussies from day 1 have been spelling my name as such. I’ve corrected them on one, two, three occasions, but it just seemed to be habit for them to insert an “e”, and I have grown accustomed to it.] I have been living on this schizophrenic weathered land for a little over 3 months now and have a little over 2 months left. Where has the time gone? I sure as heck have no idea. If time travel was possible, I would come back to these months repeatedly.

Anyways, throughout these months, I feel like I have grown up. Not in the age aspect because I actually did. But more so mentally. Living in a foreign country makes a person grow abnormally fast. Your perception of the world is changed too, for the better. As for me, my perception of the world has been honed in to the point of detail that is of Michelangelo’s statue of David. You can probably say I am on a conquest for my identity since I have been confused of mine ever since my childhood. An example: when I was a little girl, say kindergarten, I came home one day and asked my mother, “mom, why don’t I have blonde hair and blue eyes?” My mother then broke the news to me telling me that I was Asian. So my “crazy” mind now is not something that is unusual. It has been abnormal since birth. Blame it on the genes. I am not so much “searching” for my identity, but really looking for confirmation…? My conquest so far has been conclusive. I have learned heaps. I continue to learn everyday, in and out of class. I learn new things about my personality through interactions with strangers, friends, co-workers, adults, authority figures, and so on. Luckily I am consistent in my ways, unlike the weather.

Lesson 1: Do not overanalyze (over think) every word, tone, twitch, and accentuation of words. I guess it’s the virgo in me to do so, but I have realized that it is quite unhealthy to overanalyze everything people say and do. It causes all sorts of headaches and paranoia.

Lesson 2: Be yourself. To be myself and no one else. This is easier said than done. Everyone makes this mistake. Everyone wants to please someone in their lives, whether it be parents or acquaintances. I am one to want so badly, to befriend every person I encounter. It does not matter who it is, I just want them to like me, and have come to a saddening conclusion that that is a slightly outrageous thought. So now I don’t seem as desperate and just let it happen. Now that is a lot easier.

Lesson 3: Americans are… how do I put it nicely, laughable? Right, there’s no nice way to put it. America as a landscape though, is positively viewed. To be known as an American in OZ is not so great, so I don’t broadcast it… up until the point when I must speak and my accent is then blared through the air. Over here, Americans are perceived as idiotic, close-minded, self-absorbing, scared human beings. I agree. Sorry. Whilst my stay, people have deemed me coming from multiple places. It’s actually really humorous to think of what other people think of what my ethnicity is. It is completely different to what most American caucasians guess. I have gotten Vietnamese on multiple occasions, Cambodian, Laos (?!), Malaysian… then I also have gotten a few Hawaiian, and get this… someone thought I look inuit. Do I look like an eskimo?? Thanks James. I sure did not realize I could resemble so many different ethnicities. I am Taiwanese to clear up the air. That is solely based on looks. When I enter a group of aussies, I normally don’t speak initially. I always sit there, nod and smile until a question is directed towards me. I do this in hopes that they might think I am also aussie. But then when a dreaded question is asked of me, being tacit is then no longer an option. There goes my cover.
America is well liked though! Heaps of people cannot wait to go to America, or just want to go in general really. The opportunity and jobs that are available in the states is very appealing. In fact, I went to the library the other day to sign up for a card and the librarian looked at my I.D. and asked me what I was doing in Melbourne if home was in Florida. She was stupefied that I came to Melbourne and didn’t want to stay in the retirement state. Beats me gal, beats me.

Lesson 4: Focus on myself and no one else. For my whole entire, breathing, life, I have always thought about others first. Basically, I really care about what people think of me. Friends, acquaintances, strangers, family… you name it, I care. Why I care so heavily on people’s opinions concerning me, befuddles me. Going back to lesson 2, I constantly feel the need to change something little of myself to please others. Idiotic is to put it lightly… no, ironically stupid itself. It is a work in progress. But anyways, I have noticed that a majority of my friends all happen to be in the age range of 22-26. That range also happens to be the age of college graduates. They are all enjoying life, travelling, working and what not. So when I hang out with them, I automatically put myself in that mind set and start to believe that I am also a college graduate who does not need to worry about uni. And there goes my grades. I focus way too much on social life and not enough on academic life which I need to change before I hit rock bottom. So that’s that.

Lesson 5: To love myself. If I begin to love… well liking myself firstly, life may truly be better. I reckon, once I like who I am and begin to embrace “me”, then maybe I will allow others to “love”/like me? Made more sense in my head… get the gist though?

Those are the lessons thus far. From little things, big things grow. These are the littlest of things. I pick up my mistakes from observations and from long, worthy conversations. The people I have met so far have impacted me in ways unimaginable. Albiet, my attention isn’t solely on my academics and it’s really bad, but at least im learning about myself? OK, not a good trade but I’m going to come back to the states a whole new person and that was my intent.

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” – May Sarton