It’s spring break. No, I am not at the infamous college party mecca of Panama City beach; I’d rather preserve my liver. I am in North Carolina spending my time with a gal who holds a very special place in my life-Sassy Smyth. She is now the director of one of my favourite trips-TCTW, and as she sorts through applications, I am remembering my trip out west. The “who am I” essay that I wrote and the video I made, are all coming back to me. This got me thinking about how far I have come in my life and the positive and negative aspects of the package. I have recently turned 20, (and by “recently,” I mean 7 months in), and I have already noticed how much I’ve changed within these few months.

Happi[e]ness; I include the “e” because that’s how it’s spelt in the Pursuit of Happiness, which is a favourite film of mine. People these days are on a constant search to be happy or in the need to feel liked by people. I am guilty of the latter. Now, I will confess to you all: I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about what people think of me, and to be honest it feels fantastic. I am going to be weird, sarcastic, loud (I have a naturally loud voice which I just came to realise), blunt, and the list can go on. If people are free to judge me, then I only think it to be fair that I am free to be me.

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch is a book that was recommended to me by Sassy. This book has made me realise what the meaning of a “great” book is. A great book educates, inspires, and has you examining your life. That is a great book. When reading Pausch’s Last Lecture, while tears dropped onto each page, I kept taking mental notes on how to lead my life, be happy, be successful; how to raise my future children and communicate in future marriage. A childhood dream is the greatest motivation a child can have and parents should not contain that dream.

I think am happy. There is no question about it. I accept who I am and the plethora of flaws that come with. I accept that I care and invest too much in friendships and that I analyse every speck of detail. I have embraced my inner Virgo in perfectionism and if you call me a hippie/indie, I will koala hug you. With my investment in the friendship area, it’s true. I treat my friends like I treat chocolate in the aspect that I will spend heaps of money on them. You know how Superman has his kryptonite? Well I do too. I don’t have one, but a superfluous amount. One of my many kryptonites, are friends. No matter how busy or stressed out I am, if a friend is feeling any kind emotion, I will be at their side/on the phone to celebrate/comfort them. I put my friends before me and my mother always warned me on doing so. Granted I still do that, but I have become wise in doing so. I will start the contact or idea of meeting up, but if the friend doesn’t reciprocate, then that’s that. I’m not going to stress over it; it’s a two way tango and that’s less money I’ll have to spend! I say that last bit in sarcasm.

I have deleted negative, condescending people out of my life and have surrounded myself with positive, uplifting people. It’s healthy to surround yourself with people who authentically believe in you and will not lie to you. This is why I appreciate having Sassy and Mandy in my life. Mandy is also a lady who was my staff on TCTW. I know that both gals are honest with me and want the best for me. I cherish the both of them with all my heart. After getting to know Sassy and Mandy out west, I realised how loving they are and that they would do anything for their loved ones. I look up to them. After visiting Mandy up in Roanoke after not seeing her for 5 (3) years, I realised how much I really missed her presence, wisdom, and humour.

Anyways, I am happy and am apathetic. I’m doing me. Randy Pausch taught me a great lesson: to help others believe in themselves because they believed in me.